Late night thoughts.

I miss you. My heart aches from the hole that burnt through when you left. My stomach clenches at the thought of never seeing you again, never smelling you, never kissing you, never laughing with you, never hugging you. That's what I miss the most right now. Being enveloped in your arms, or more than likely a hug that I forced you into. I miss kissing your soft cheeks, and breathing in your familiar scent. I miss you.

I cry for you. I cry for the times we sat chatting for hours, for the arguments, the smiles, the 'I love you's' I cry for the times you wont be here for, for the birthdays, the christmas' the good times, and the bad. I cry for the time we have lost. I cry for those you left behind, I cry for myself. I cry for you.

And I have been fine, really fine, happy in fact, but waiting for the moment I break, which I fear might be now. I fear that life will never be the same, and I fear for our family. I couldn't tell you how many times I look for you in the dark, hoping you will curl up beside me and talk to me once again. Is it bad that I can't wait for the day I see you again?

And as I sit here with tears hitting the keyboard I feel empty inside, for you I have lost. I need you by my side, but you are not here, and it hurts, hurts more than I thought it would.

Why did you have to be taken from us, it can't be fair, why were you needed so much up there and not here?

I yearn for your voice, for your laugh, for your tears. I yearn for what I have lost, for what I miss most. Because sure life does go on, but why without you? I miss you more than I can express and I just hope you are near.

Tomorrow is your birthday and we will celebrate for you, but it will never be the same, that is all I know to be true.

I miss you, and please know that I love you, forever and always.
Lucia xx