Roses and Thorns.

Hello Internet Lovelies. I hope you are all healthy and well.

To be quite frank, life has been a bit of a roller-coaster for the last 6 weeks, and in that time I have made no effort to keep my blog up to date, and for that I am sorry.
I kind of just want to get everything out on paper. This is why I like writing a blog; I can get my thoughts out, while keeping track of life's details along the way.

I have started broadcasting school and am completely loving it, I feel I am completely in my element which is very refreshing. I struggled to enjoy High School when I went to five classes a day, that each bored me to death and had no significance to what I wanted to do in life, but at Broadcasting school I am doing what I love, and that I can tell you, is a very good feeling. Of course it's busy and at times challenging but I enjoy that. I like that I have to think, have to be organised. I like that I am interested in what we are studying and not just contemplating life and the worlds mysteries. The tutors are great, they all have such experience and passion and I know I am being taught by genuine people. The thing I think I like the most though, is being surrounded by people with like minds. People who are here for a reason, who are passionate, fun and intelligent. At high school, in a team there was always one or two that let the team down, but here everyone wants to help and they do. It is so refreshing to see.
I am driving in each day. Which I must admit is starting to take its toll, the constant flow of traffic and idiot drivers really is rather exhausting. In the last 6 weeks I have learnt so much about the media industry and life in general. We stayed a night on the Marae which was a very eye opening experience. I was rather out of my comfort zone but after settling in and coming to terms with the culture I had a wonderful time.

With the good comes the bad of course. My mum is going through treatment for her second lot of cancer. Of course its bloody hard knowing that your parents wont be around forever. Because as a child you just think they are. It's hard seeing her tired, sore and vulnerable, but it's even harder knowing that I cant cure her. I love my mum, she is my favourite person in the whole world so yeah it's hard, but you have to be strong. My mum is extremely strong though, she is still as radiant as ever, and her positivity shines. I know that if I am ever half the person my mum is I will be great.
Sometimes the realisation hits harder than others; because to me if she looks fine she is fine you know? But recently I have realised that shit, she actually is sick and I need to help her, as much as it pains me. (yes I really hate washing and vacuuming.)
The support we have had is immense. I guess thats what happens when you are an amazing person. People have been so incredible and at times it is very overwhelming.We constantly have food in our cuboards and flowers on the table. We always have visitors, cards and gifts. It's lovely but it's also quite hard to come to terms with. Recently I have also made a very very big decision. I have decided to move into a house with my boyfriend alone. Yes alone. Cue the shocked gasps and overreactions!!!
It was a hard decision due to mum. If she wasn't sick I would not have hesitated, but leaving her now is quite rough. I know the decision seems selfish. Buuuuut there is method to my absolute madness. Mum and I have a very complicated relationship. We are so similar that if we are together too long we argue and then we both end up very upset. I feel that by moving only 20 minutes down the road our relationship will improve, we will appreciate each other far more and realise how important one another is. I also feel that at some stage I have to move on with my life. If I am honest I feel as if I have grown out of home and need to find a place of my own. As sad as it sounds I also feel that by creating my life now, later on I will may be more okay? It's a big step, a huge one in fact but one I feel ready to make. We have found a wee two bedroom house and will be moving in one week. Its all happened very fast but I couldn't be more excited. I do feel like an adult though. I had to buy a fridge and a washing machine. I know a washing machine. I also have to buy a million other things. I have to pay rent, power and internet. I KNOW!! Internet, oh its a hard life. :(

So life is moving very fast and some times I feel like it's too much but then I just have a nap and it is all okay again.

Life is about living, I have definitely learnt that recently. I want to experience and be happy and I can't wait to see what life has in store for me.

For those reading this who have supported mum through recent times I can not thank you enough. Your support and love is more than we could ever have asked for and for that I am truly grateful.

Sending lots of love and well wishes.
Lucia xxxxx